Saturday, November 6, 2010

Bridges

i have a great crush on this person .. and i found out that he has a crush on my friend that is very special to me .. and he asks me if i could help him to get close to my special friend .. what will i do ?? it hurts me so much :'(

Well, if it hurts you so much, then I don't think it's just a crush. You're probably in love with that person.

So your question is, "what will i do"... I don't like to force you to "do this" or "do that". That would be pretty imposing. Instead, I shall pretend that your question is, "if you were me, what would you do?"

Okay, if I were you, I would say this to your great crush: "Listen, asking me to help you is not a good thing, since I myself have this huge crush on you, and helping you would result in a conflict of interests. Therefore, I shall have to inhibit myself." Not only does it make you sound lawyerly, it shows that you have confidence, and are not ashamed to admit something as petty as a crush (unless of course, it is more than a crush).

Here's another thing you can do: You crush is actually asking you to act as a bridge, or "tulay". This now gives you an enormous advantage, as your crush will be calling and texting you, not your friend. Now, if you play your cards right, your crush will soon discover that his/her tulay is actually more interesting, smarter, more caring, funnier, sexier, hornier (and the list goes on) than your friend. Your crush will then slowly fall for you instead of your friend. I myself know of several instances where the tulay gets the guy/girl in the end.



*Another question from my formspring page.

What's with 2012?

Q: Dear Shaman, is it true that the world will end in 2012? 

It's supposed to be "IN 2012", not "at" -Grammar Police
A: Okay, seriously... a lot of people are concerned about the Mayan prophecy of 2012. End of the world, they say. Repent, the end is nigh.

First of all, the Mayans have no monopoly on correct prophecies. Other prophecies are also as trustworthy.

Second, the Mayans do not even mention anything about the end of the world, or death, or destruction even.

So what happens in 2012?

The winter solstice of 2012 will mark the end of the Mayan calendar. Thus ends one age, and another begins. The Mayan calendar, by the way, has a very long range. It spans millenia. This is because it counts the earth's biorhythm.

What's biorhythm, you ask? Break it down first. Bio + rhythm. Rhythm is a repetitive cycle. Bio is life. The female menstrual cycle is an example of biorhythm. The seasons are another example. And so on. And so forth.

The Earth is a living thing. Well, not exactly an organism in the cellular living thing-sense. But you get what I mean. Anyway, anything living has biorhythm. And the planet Earth is no exception. It just happened that we're alive and will get to witness, or feel, the biorhtym's pulse. (Un)lucky us? Who knows.

Well, if you're still a skeptic after hearing the biorhythm explanation, just read the papers. Earthquakes in Haiti. In Chile. And in the Philippines. Drastic changes in the weather. That's either biorhythm in action, or the end of the world. You choose. 
 
 

On Palmistry

Can you do palm reading? How can you tell if a palm reader is the real deal?

No, I never studied palm reading. You can tell if a palm reader is the real deal if he/she can also do other forms of divination aside from palm reading, such as reading tarot cards, tea leaves, and even animal entrails. Knowledge of other forms of divination will show that he/she is familiar with the basic concepts of divination, and is not limited to merely the lines on one's hands.



*This is one of the questions that have been asked on my formspring page, regarding the art of divination. 

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Losing Your 3D Virginity

Q: Can I take my five year-old boy to watch Shrek 3D?

A: It's up to you. You're the parent.

Q: No, I mean, what is your expert opinion?

A: Wow, I'm flattered that you would think me an expert in 3D. Hehe. But I'm not. But I hope to be, if becoming one means getting an MTRCB Deputy card.

Anyway, if it were up to me...no.

Q: Why not?

A: Well, the primary question you have to answer is, "What makes Real D 3D a mind-blowing experience? The answer: It makes viewing more realistic by adding depth to flat, two-dimensional moving pictures. That doesn't mean that pictures don't have depth. They do. Check out this picture:

Now this picture may be two-dimensional, but it has depth. Maybe implied depth, but it does have it. That's because the viewer (you) knows that Puss is nearer to the camera, while Shrek is placed farther from the camera. In simpler terms, you have a sense of foreground, middleground, and background. And that is enough to create depth in the viewer's mind.

Real D 3D, however, creates depth not in the viewer's mind, but on the image itself, as projected onscreen. Your mind no longer processes or simulates depth from the information it receives, because it is already given depth at the onset. Depth is in fact being spoon-fed to you.

Now to your child, all of this matters not. To him, a regular movie and a 3D movie are the same. Yes, he may sense something different with the viewing, but that's about as far as it'll go. Because to your child, the movie in his head is more realistic than any Real D 3D flick. All he need is a stimulus.

When your kid watches a movie, he sees it in his head as 4D, or 5D even. To him, even the smell of the place is there. And even emotion. When a monster screams, the kid cringes. Because to him, the monster is real. And movie monsters are real enough to follow the kid all the way to his nightmares.

This seemingly magical trait is present in everybody, even adults, but only a select few can bring them out again. But this trait is present in all children. Real D 3D, I believe, was created for adults specifically to force this magical trait out of the adult system, buried under years of stress, problems, and earthly concerns. Now as long as your child still has this magical trait coming out of him naturally, you don't need to bring him to a 3D movie for him to have a 3D experience. You can just take him to a 2D movie, and he will have a 5D experience.

But again, you're the parent, so it's up to you.


*also published in Da Couch Tomato
pic from cinemablend.com