Confused Cousin

I got this letter from someone today.

hey shaman,

story is like this. i have a cousin (female) and i love her so much (as a cousin of course). years ago (high school), she was in a relationship with a guy, they lasted for almost five years (till college), the guy's her first fuck, first kiss i think, first love, whatever. then before the end of the relationship, my cousin got pregnant, but both decided not to continue the pregnancy, so the baby was aborted. it was the most depressing part of my cousin's life.

months after the abortion, she called me and said she wants to live with me here in manila, get a job, forget about the guy and the baby (she broke up with the guy na). i agreed.

while working here in manila, she met a guy, love at first sight mode, courting for some time, then its official, they both love each other, despite my cousin having once-in-a-while depression mode coz of the past with ex-bf and lost baby, sometimes she's crying to me, and its hard to witness those stuffs.

after a few months of being official, she got pregnant again, with the bf na, and they got married, now the baby's 3 years old (girl). husband is working in bulacan while my cousin and the baby is staying in nueva ecija. husband visits them once in a while.

now, ex bf comes back to town. they got connected once again. and the ex guy invited her to meet him. she agreed and they went private. they kissed, cried together (coz i think they still love each other), but cousin said they didn't fuck. guy wants her back. but she said she's happy with her life now, with a wonderful husband and kid. but she texted me last night like she was tormented like hell.

i gave her my liberal advice. but im not sure if its the right one. thats why im emailing you. haha. this is just great. hope to hear from you soon.

best,
[name withheld upon request]

First of all, you might have a problem with your Shift or Caps Lock key, since the entire letter contains no upper-case characters. Anyway...


Your cousin should learn the law of karma. When people hear the word "karma", what they usually think it means is "if you do something bad to someone, then something bad will also happen to you". But that is not the exact meaning of karma.

Karma means that every action you do will have repercussions. And those repercussions magnify exponentially the more people are involved with your action.

So your cousin is presented with two choices: to stay with her husband, or to go with her ex. Now let's analyze both choices according to their repercussions. But first, let's identify all the parties involved.

1. Your cousin;
2. Her husband;
3. Her  daughter; and
4. Her ex

Okay. Now let's analyze the repercussions.

First scenario: She stays with her husband.

• The husband will remain a happily-married man, and he will get to provide a good life for both his wife and his daughter.
• The daughter will grow up with both parents intact, enjoying the care and affection of a loving father and a loving mother.
• The ex will be saddened for a little while, but he will survive, just as he survived the entire period since they broke up until the time he came back into your cousin's life.

Second scenario: She leaves her husband to join the ex.

• The husband will be heart-broken, and he will hate your cousin for the rest of his life. He might also give your cousin a hard time when it comes to legal matters, such as annulment and child custody proceedings, for instance.
• The daughter will grow up with a broken family. She will have strained relations with her father, and an even worse relation with her future stepfather.
• The ex will be hated by her daughter and her husband, and possibly by her family and friends. 

There. Your cousin can come up with other repercussions for both scenarios. Then she should weigh all these repercussions against each other, and choose wisely based on logic rather than emotion.

And one final piece of advice: once she makes her choice, she should stick with it, and accept whatever repercussions come her way.