Losing Your 3D Virginity

Q: Can I take my five year-old boy to watch Shrek 3D?

A: It's up to you. You're the parent.

Q: No, I mean, what is your expert opinion?

A: Wow, I'm flattered that you would think me an expert in 3D. Hehe. But I'm not. But I hope to be, if becoming one means getting an MTRCB Deputy card.

Anyway, if it were up to me...no.

Q: Why not?

A: Well, the primary question you have to answer is, "What makes Real D 3D a mind-blowing experience? The answer: It makes viewing more realistic by adding depth to flat, two-dimensional moving pictures. That doesn't mean that pictures don't have depth. They do. Check out this picture:

Now this picture may be two-dimensional, but it has depth. Maybe implied depth, but it does have it. That's because the viewer (you) knows that Puss is nearer to the camera, while Shrek is placed farther from the camera. In simpler terms, you have a sense of foreground, middleground, and background. And that is enough to create depth in the viewer's mind.

Real D 3D, however, creates depth not in the viewer's mind, but on the image itself, as projected onscreen. Your mind no longer processes or simulates depth from the information it receives, because it is already given depth at the onset. Depth is in fact being spoon-fed to you.

Now to your child, all of this matters not. To him, a regular movie and a 3D movie are the same. Yes, he may sense something different with the viewing, but that's about as far as it'll go. Because to your child, the movie in his head is more realistic than any Real D 3D flick. All he need is a stimulus.

When your kid watches a movie, he sees it in his head as 4D, or 5D even. To him, even the smell of the place is there. And even emotion. When a monster screams, the kid cringes. Because to him, the monster is real. And movie monsters are real enough to follow the kid all the way to his nightmares.

This seemingly magical trait is present in everybody, even adults, but only a select few can bring them out again. But this trait is present in all children. Real D 3D, I believe, was created for adults specifically to force this magical trait out of the adult system, buried under years of stress, problems, and earthly concerns. Now as long as your child still has this magical trait coming out of him naturally, you don't need to bring him to a 3D movie for him to have a 3D experience. You can just take him to a 2D movie, and he will have a 5D experience.

But again, you're the parent, so it's up to you.


*also published in Da Couch Tomato
pic from cinemablend.com